Another January passes us by where I sit at home on medical recovery. It’s not a coincidence- it’s indeed planned to take this time in the quieter months of the industry. The first time was in 2020, struggling with horrid pain all the way up my arm at night times. A previous referral to a rheumatologist sent me back there post the Christmas season and he told me to rest, booked me off work for 2 weeks. It got better, but I returned to work a month before the pandemic and for the next 18 months, I didn’t work very much at all and that annoying pain plaguing my right hand and arm at night ceased to be an issue.
However, by May 2022 it had returned with a vengeance and I was getting little sleep at night, in a new job that required me to work until 00:30. By then I had a new doctor who was a million times better than the gentle old Chinese man I had been seeing prior. Our new GP sent me off for various scans and whatnot, eventually getting an official diagnosis of carpal tunnel syndrome (in both my right and left). A trip to the surgeon, and an immediate booking for surgery was put on the cards. (Between holidays and a long delay in being able to see and EMG neuro-specialist, it was mid November by the time it was diagnosed).
So as you are aware, I set aside last January for my first surgery. I was booked off to recover for 6 weeks, an entirely necessary recovery period considering the pressure I place on my hands on a day to day basis. The surgeon recommended I follow up with the left hand’s surgery in April, but I preferred to set aside another quiet January period a while after my summer holidays – in order to benefit from the quiet season, but also to break up the monotony of the day to day stress. And thus, less than a week after Christmas, I was back at the outpatients for a 7am surgery.
Today- mid January, I’m already approaching the end of the 3rd week post surgery. Time has flown and I have a decent amount of strength in my hand; I feel like recovery has been quicker than the surgery last year, and whether it’s because they had to cut into my hand this time instead of using an endoscopy camera , I don’t know, but I still lack real strength in my left hand- I can’t hold a bottle to open it with my dominant hand and I can’t flip a pot or pan over as I usually can, so the residual niggles is enough to remind me not to feel guilty about being at home.
As expected of January, the weather has been typical. And by that, I mean we’ve had grey days, rain days, cold days, freezing cold days, even worse than freezing cold days and snow. The river close by spilt over to the wetlands/fields, which lay on the water-logged earth for long enough to eventually freeze. It was solid enough I could shuffle across- a little too weary to lift a foot for fear of cracking the ice, but between Beth and Alex and Thandi, we enjoyed watching their delight.
The subzero temps warmed enough by the middle of this week to bring the snow, which fell in the early hours but by 8am the rain came in, by midday the wetland ice rink had turned to a snow cone. And following the warmer weather, we’ve had rain and snowflakes all day today. I’ve been in my kitchen (eating mostly) and watching how the snowflakes have been whipped around like dancers, or marionettes at the end of the puppeteers strings. And so long as I can stay dry and warm, I truly appreciate the beauty from my side of the glass.
With that level of peace comes a need to write, and I felt a little compelled to pull out the ‘story’ that is currently sitting on my iPad- creative, fun, just words on paper, but with a dozen other things on my plate at the moment, I can’t concentrate properly on it. So here I am, my newsletter, with very little to write about but so much to say. (My desktop faces a wall. It’s a poky little corner, not conducive to creative writing so I tend to pick up my phone more often these days- short snippets of creative bursts when the moment catches. But- it’s hard on my hand and recovering wrist so short bursts is all I can do for now).
January 31st. Apparently that burst of written creativity was cut woefully short while I made Lemon Meringue Tarts, endured more frozen weather, attempted to make my own pasta (successfully I might add) and then hit a massive slump in the last 10 days. Its really annoying because I have very little to show for myself – barre an extra layer around my waistline and the closer my return to work date looms, the more anxious I feel about unaccomplished expectations.
Sigh.
I scroll through my phones photo roll for inspiration, and I can share with you a multitude of evocative images- following my scribblings above we eventually did wake up to a white landscape that weekend. Clear nights, and the wind and humidity levels in this valley rendered moving crystals across everything. The mornings arrived slow and beautiful- orange and pink skies across the Rhine but there was no way I was going to don my running shoes for a forest run. Honestly, between those low temperatures, the wind and the clear night times, and amount of moisture on the roads had become glacial, and as expected, our little wetland became an ice-rink for a day. I think it was Thandi who benefitted from it the most!
Unfortunately, January has wrecked havoc with my psyche. Did I google the effects of barometric pressure on my health- mental and physical because I have headaches and sheer body fatigue for no reason? Nor can I focus on any form of creativity, honestly, its easier to find something else to watch on Netflix and tumble off to sleep. My garden needs a stack of attention, but I’m too weary of wielding secateurs to cut back my roses, and the nagging notion that I have STILL not passed my learners licence adds to the level of failure. Naturally, the time away from work has rooted a new niggle within me and honestly, a change needs to be met.
I fear this lolling into false comfort has made me boring, and aside from torrid opinions of various day to day matters, I actually have nothing for you this month. If I continue squirreling away down this path, I suspect you will see through the repetitiveness of my babble – work remains a gasping breath in my mind, as it will always forever, a space where I need to be yet really despise.
And so I shall bid you adieu for this month. I hope that the start to your year has been good for you. There is so much angst out there it’s difficult to feel happy for ourselves for fear of being heartless. Is this what life has become for us now?
A few hours to go before midnight. I’m determined to get this in before the calendar flips over. So if I’ve forgotten something, someone, I apologise. Drop me a note and I’ll check in 😘
Anyhoo, that’s me for now. Signing off with love and wishes for a great new year in continuance.
Love,
Me
Pinot, Bretzels, and Cathedrals 