Pinot, Bretzels, and Cathedrals

(I started writing this newsletter in early March so it’s a little disjointed given the weeks that have passed.)

Cryptic title isn’t it?

The truest answer would be a vague ‘it depends how significant a change you’re referring to’, because changing linen and toilet rolls happens to everyone every day. Changing schools, jobs, countries, diets… well, these are all a little more complex really.

I’ve been sitting on Instasham with a photo I took at sunset this evening, trying to use it to express the weight that’s sitting on my heart. But either I write something flowery and poetic on the gram, which comes with it’s own set of irritating nuances, or I literally spill the beans here in this space, which gives me more room to share some news, in particular, the upcoming changes that are set to occur.

Hence the title. I need to know I’m not alone in what feels like a enormous upheaval in my life.

It feels a little like I’m always expressing something about The Changes (no, it’s not ‘pause just yet thank you) in my life.

In our few years living in France, it’s been about returning to work after 3 years off, then changing jobs, then school routine changes, followed by covid and no work, back to work, an entire entanglement that went with that, to another school routine change (I wrote about that at the beginning of summer last year when I realised I was no longer going to be commuting to my kids school with them everyday and I would miss out on my morning jaunts into the city).

The most recent news was in November when I took over the job of Head Chef in the pub I’ve worked since 2017. And let me be honest- that wouldn’t have warranted much of a significant change to my life if it hadn’t been for the news on New Years Day that the owner of the pub had found a buyer, something he had been aiming for for 2 years, I suspect.

I know right? The words “the pub is sold” were whispered among us staff in a state of incredulity. We were asked not to speak publicly about it until the process was complete, a time frame of around 3 months.

The implications of the sale had left me with a cove of feelings and questions that it really unsettled my balance.

However, while the 3 month time frame of selling the business has given me time to process and adjust to the changes that will inevitably occur, it was a difficult period of time for us as a family. The small business changes put in place for a quiet winter without a 4th team member in the kitchen meant bigger adaptations to my schedule.

First off the lunch time meal service was dropped, the reason for this being two-fold: lunch times servings had dwindled significantly following Covid. With as much of the public working from home, there appeared to be less of a demand on the lunch-time trade. Tied in with dwindling trade, minus a chef, and knowing the business was in the process of shutting its doors, it made no sense to hire help, particularly given the shortage of working hours available.

As a result, I had to pick up the bulk load of hours to ensure smooth meal services. Work would start at 4pm, and I was never home until 11 or 12pm, meaning a complete absence from my girls whose school day ends at 4pm. The consequences of this has manifested in a depressed teenager, for which I will get on to on another occasion, and the reality is, as a parent, my absence from home on 6 evenings per week has wrecked havoc.

As you can imagine, the fatigue and stress that I endured over this time frame has been exasperated by the knowledge that AT SOME POINT the job that I have been doing for more than 4 years will cease to exist. The safe space I had created amongst my colleagues who were mostly forgiving of my basic french knowledge, the small routines that I had put in place, the relationships with my suppliers that I had gently built up since taking of the senior role, all of which had strengthened my confidence, all of these were about to fall away, and I was left with a fair bit of anxiety and stress.

Before I continue, let me take a moment to explain the legal rights I have as a French tax-payer/person of employment: My job is secure.

This means that the new owners are legally obliged to continue employing me under my current status- that of a senior chef under my current salary. This is an immense benefit, for which I am very grateful. In other words, I have a secure income coming in, no matter what.

I’m not sure if it’s the same with many business sales but we’ve had a lack of information filtering through to us as employers as to what to expect once the sale goes through. The expectation is that nobody is certain of anything until the ink is dry on the legal paperwork. As a result, we encountered many a rumours concerning how the business would change. I won’t detail those rumours here now, but I can finally say that the new owner will shut the restaurant down at some point to develop the space to align with his vision, that of being able to get as many bums in seats as possible. However, the building is possibly a listed building, thus the changes he has in mind will entail many many hours of bureaucratic red tape, hours at government offices and applications that inevitably get drawn out. Because of the delays he expects in this, he has informed us that perhaps he will continue to trade as our Irish pub until planning approval is cleared.

We had heard the rumour that the pub would close down for the long period for refurbishment and I have been holding on to that news to pull me through my fatigue. It would stand to reason that I had concerns about my salary for that time, and this is why I have grown accustomed to the social system that governs France: my finances will not be affected at all by the forced down time- the government social security coffers cover the costs of forced off time.

I know there are a lot of French people that think their government fails them. I’m afraid I don’t see it, but knowing how systems like these are abused beyond recognition in South Africa, any support I do get from the French government is fully appreciated.

Listen, I started writing this blog post a month ago, one evening after stepping out to appreciate the setting sun. Given I have spent 4 months huddled away in my workspace at sunset, it is a time of day I have felt strangely separated from recently. While I gazed upon the church at the end of the road, the suns’ golden rays glancing off the sandstone façade I was left feeling wholly ‘at one’ with the scene, I realised that that view has formed a part of my life for so long, that not being able to embrace like I do, things are about to change, again. And not to be a doomsayer, it will be for the better.

In hindsight, or with new foresight in light of this weeks news, I think that there will be a change for the better.

The last weekend at the Irish pub sailed through with great success. We had finally heard the news that the lawyers were ready to sign the final set of papers and had a week to finalise things like clearing stock and organising final parties. For some friends and regulars, it felt so sudden. For me, as I stepped away on Saturday close to midnight, sweaty and hot and smelling like a deep fryer or hamburger, my hand nestled tightly into my younger-born child’s who felt like she had to be there till the end, I felt a lump in my throat combined with relief: was it the last time I would have to endure that?

And yet, we were still uncertain what lay ahead. Which was so annoying, particularly given I was expecting visitors on Monday.

Finally a phone call. A confident male voice from the new group, asking if I was available to attend a meeting the following morning. What a relief to finally have contact. I won’t bore you with the details of the company who have ‘bought us’ but perhaps I should highlight the necessary details in point form 😉

• An immediate closure for renovation is not necessarily on the cards. Given the magnitude of their plans to convert the space, it might not be feasible to close down and we’ll continue to run as a pub until design and planning permission is finalised.
• I had concerns about being able to spend time with my Dad, and having got to a point 2 weeks ago where I felt I would have to take leave, I now have flexibility without pressure to work. Our new bosses will honour my time off, both immediately and in the summer when we travel to South Africa.
• During one-on-one meetings with a director (I met with the group chef, although it’s confusing because in French, <chef> is the boss of a section, and I can’t remember what the Group Cook’s title is 😝), I was asked if I wanted to remain working as a chef (cook/cuisiniere) or if I wanted to move into a different department. The opportunity for growth is feasible, and I felt a real boost after explaining I was weary of moving away from my current job due to the lack of French language skills. I was reassured that my French was perfectly fine 😅. I was also asked if I had a preference for working hours- and this is a huge deal for me- I could find myself working more day time shifts in the future.
• We will know definitively by Monday or Tuesday whether we will be reporting to duty at our current address in the week ahead, or not. (Although, I’m hoping to have posted this before then).

During the last 3 months we had heard the rumours that the pub would close down for renovations, and while I worked the 6 nights a week, spent many hours away from my family and generally felt like my life had been flipped upside down, my mental health taking strain, I held on to the idea that I would be getting a break, and that pulled me through. Now we have the possibility of either not closing, or being transferred to a different job, and I have asked myself if I resent the idea of not being able to take that break. However, no matter where I end up by the end of the month, there will be changes to my schedule, and that will be a good change.

And if you’re still here, reading my musings, perhaps a short recap is necessary. I will be starting a new job shortly (I’m just not certain where, or what food it will be). I am not without work in the aftermath of the sale of the pub, our finances are stable, but I don’t foresee a new career in stay-at-home coooking/writing/photography, and I will still probably be able to meander through this awesome French city that brings me so much joy.

On that note, let me bid you adieu until I have more news.

I do hope that this missive finds you well, in good health and without too much stress. My love and wishes to your family and loved ones.

Moi,

Xxx